《1962년 어느 날. 할아버지가 등교하려는 어린 이계안을 불러 세웠다. “오늘은 학교 가지 마라. 네 아버지 오신다.” 아버지? 초등학교 4학년인 계안에게는 그때까지 아버지는 없었다.
아니, 아버지가 있다는 사실조차 몰랐다. 그런데 난데없이 아버지라니….
그날 자신의 삶에 불쑥 나타난 아버지는 당신의 둘째아들을 10여 년 만에 처음 보고서도 아무 말씀이 없었다. 학교를 잘 다니고 있느냐는 인사치레조차 하지 않았다.그 후, 2000년에 세상을 떠날 때까지 아버지는 이계안과 같이 산 적이 없다. 함께 식사를 한 것도 100번 남짓이다. 오히려 아버지의 존재가 이계안의 발목을 잡을 때가 많았다. 그러나 삶의 중대한 결절마다 이계안의 아버지는 큰 그림자처럼 버티고 서 있었다. 비록 그걸 깨닫기까지 오랜 세월이 걸렸고, 아버지를 온전히 인정하기까지는 더 많은 시간이 필요하겠지만 말이다. 》
이계안 씨는 1998년 12월, 입사 22년 7개월 만에 46세의 나이로 현대자동차 기획조정실 사장이 됐다. 샐러리맨의 신화였다. 그러나 총선을 앞둔 2004년 2월 돌연 열린우리당에 입당했다. 많은 사람들이 그 이유가 무엇인지 어리둥절해 했다. 이명박 대통령과 박세용 전 현대상선 사장에 이어 현대그룹에서 세 번째로 40대 사장(이 대통령은 30대)이 된 그가 왜 하필 정치를, 그것도 진보성향의 정당에서 시작해야 하는지를 의아해하는 사람도 많았다. 그런 질문을 받을 때마다 이 씨는 “진보정치를 했던 아버지의 영향 때문인 것 같다”고 답하곤 했다. 정치라는 ‘사회적 유전자’가 피에 흐르고 있는 것 같다고도 했다.
○ 사형수 정치범이었던 아버지
그러나 정작 ‘아버지 하면 떠오르는 것은 무엇이냐’는 질문에 이 씨는 “없어요. 아무 생각도 없어요. 참 미웠어요”라고 말한다. 단순히 따로 살았던 아버지에 대한 거리감에서 나온 말은 아니다.
그의 아버지 이호헌 씨는 경기 평택시 포승리 부농의 집에서 외아들로 태어났다. 훤칠한 키에 빼어난 용모, 명필에 영리함까지 신언서판(身言書判)을 갖춘 ‘모던보이’였다.
어려운 이웃을 돕는 데도 인색하지 않아 마을사람들의 칭송이 자자했다. 수원고등농림학교(서울대 농대의 전신)를 졸업한 그의 아버지는 광복 후 죽산 조봉암 선생의 사상을 따르며 지역에서 활동했다. 그러나 이와 관련해 군 방첩대에 체포돼 군사재판에서 사형선고를 받았다. 그의 할아버지가 땅을 팔아가며 돈을 써서 겨우 무기징역형으로 끌어내렸고 1962년 가석방됐다. 그리고 계안 앞에 처음 나타났다.
그러나 이 씨의 아버지는 다른 여성과 딴살림을 차렸다. 연좌제 탓에 이 씨의 형(이계찬 씨·2007년 작고)은 36세가 될 때까지 직장을 갖지 못했다. 이 씨 할아버지는 많던 재산을 옥바라지로 탕진했다. 때문에 한글도 깨우치지 못한 이 씨의 어머니(2002년 작고)가 방물장수로 이 마을 저 마을 행상을 다니며 집안 살림을 지탱했다. 그래도 그의 아버지는 한 번도 집에 돈을 갖다 준 적이 없었고, 어머니에게 미안하다는 말 한마디도 하지 않았다. 오히려 항상 당당했다.
그래서 이 씨는 “어머니 생각을 하면 (아버지가) 용서가 안 되지요”라고 말한다. “우리 어머니의 평생 삶은 무엇이었을까요. 언제 한 번이라도 행복했을까요. 어머니를 통해서 본 아버지는 납득하기가 쉽지 않습니다.”
○ “네가 정주영만 못한 게 뭐냐?”
이 씨는 그런 그의 아버지를 왜 자신의 인생 항로에 가장 큰 영향을 끼친 사람으로 생각하게 됐을까.
출소한 아버지가 초등학교 졸업을 앞둔 그에게 그냥 말했다. “경기중학교를 가라.” 공부를 잘해서 졸업할 때 도지사가 주는 상까지 받았지만, 평택 작은 마을의 소년에게 경기중은 언감생심이었다. 받아들이기 힘든 아버지였지만 그 한마디는 이 씨를 자극했다. 경기중 시험에 떨어졌지만 계속 공부를 해야겠다는 마음이 싹텄다.
쑥 커버린 몸에 맞는 새 교복을 살 돈이 없어 다니던 중학교를 그만둘 정도의 어려움을 딛고 그는 경복고에 진학한다. 공부를 썩 잘했던 그는 서울대 법대 행정학과에 진학해 공무원이 될 생각을 하고 있었다. 고3 시절 아버지가 느닷없이 그를 불렀다. “어느 대학에 갈 테냐?” “법대에 가서 고시를 볼 생각입니다.” “그래…. 네 형하고 상의해 봐라.” 그 말뿐이었다. 이 씨는 당시 아버지의 표정이 “처연했다”고 회상한다. 연좌제 때문에 공무원이 될 수 없다는 사실을 모르는 둘째아들 보기가 민망했을 터다.
아버지는 아들의 손목을 붙잡고 여러 명사에게 인사를 다니기도 했다. 김대중 전 대통령, 정일형 전 외무부장관, 윤길중 전 국회부의장, 구상 시인 등을 그때 이미 만났다. 아들의 장래를 부탁하는 마음과 함께 똑똑한 아들을 자랑하고 싶은 욕심도 있어 보였다. 당시 자신의 속마음은 ‘아버지가 도와준 게 뭐 있다고…’였다고 이 씨는 털어놓았다.
1976년 현대중공업에 입사해 고속승진을 거듭했다. 1988년 남들보다 훨씬 빨리 부장대우가 됐다. 그해 서울대 상대 71학번 동기인 정몽준 한나라당 의원이 첫 의원 배지를 달았다. 그즈음 아버지가 서울 계동 현대사옥 앞에 나타났다. 지하다방에서 만난 아버지의 일성(一聲)은 “내가 정주영이만 못한 게 뭐가 있느냐”였다. “너하고 몽준이하고 학교 같이 졸업했지 않느냐. 몽준이는 국회의원 됐는데 너는 뭐하고 있느냐!” 이 씨는 ‘정말 터무니없는 아버지다’라고 생각했다.
사장이 된 직후인 1999년 초 부인과 함께 아버지를 찾았다. 자랑도 하고 싶었다. “아버지. 제가 기아자동차 인수를 기획하고 성공해서 이렇게 사장까지 됐습니다.” 듣고 있던 아버지가 기가 차다는 듯 안색이 굳어지며 슬쩍 몸을 틀어 앉았다. “그래, 좋은 학교 나와서 회사 사장 된 게 대수로운 일이더냐. 마누라 치마폭에 싸여서, 사내자식이 말이야…. 나랏일을 해야지.” 며느리에게 수고했다는 말 한마디도 없었다. 이 씨는 울화가 치밀어 올랐다.
시간이 약인 셈인가. 이 씨는 “돌이켜 생각해 보니 아버지를 만날 때마다 내 삶은 도전이었다”라며 “(자신이) 가슴에 품어서는 안 될 꿈을 (아들에게) 강요하신 것이었다”고 말한다. 자신이 못다 이룬 꿈을 아들에게 투사하고 싶었던 것은 아니었을까 하는 것이다.
○ 아버지와 화해하는 길
이 씨의 아버지는 출소 후에도 거동이 자유롭지 못했다. 장기간 외출을 할 때는 경찰에 신고를 해야 했다. 보호관찰제도 때문이었다. 친척이나 동네 사람들도 이 씨 집에 드나들기를 꺼렸다. 이 씨는 “그렇게 보면 아버지가 딱하죠. 누구처럼 국회의원을 했나, 대통령을 한 것도 아니고…. 아버지는 그저 세상을 이렇게 살면 안 된다고 한 것뿐인데 말이죠.”
이 씨는 정치를 시작한 뒤부터 아버지를 ‘발견’하기 시작했다고 한다. 콜럼버스가 이미 존재하던 아메리카 대륙을 ‘발견’한 것처럼. 그는 자신에게 긍정적인 힘과 부정적인 힘을 동시에 줬던 아버지를 다른 관점에서 보고자 했다.
이 씨는 여전히 아버지를 생각할 때 감정을 잘 추스르는 것 같지는 않았다. “참 미웠다”, “용서하기 쉽지 않다”라고 할 때 그의 목소리는 가늘게 떨렸다. 그러나 이 씨는 “내가 이렇게 아버지에 대해 이야기하는 것이 어쩌면 화해의 과정인 것 같다”고 말했다. 아버지를 찾는 이계안의 오디세이는 아직 끝나지 않았다. (동아일보 ‘11.4.30)
민동용 기자 mindy@donga.com
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If possible, I Diddybeats rates on the OK button. This differs from person to person, but I could never be a perfect fit. They were fineCuffie Beats
, but if you travel a lot seems to be always thrown out, the loss of sound quality, so in my ear. This may be an indication of the Monster Canada
, despite the different sizes and styles, including flat cable or something from you, or perhaps the fact that it is not wrapped ear. Others may have better luck, but the fit was I got to meet Shure or ears. If you have problemMonster Headphones
s, try foam instead of silicone tips from them.
Once you're a good fit Diddybeats have good sound qualityMonster Beats, but not outstanding. They deliver powerful bass and its size and rich sound. The sound was metallic and had a low note. Suffer when (if) to move into the ear, but more fit, it is very important. I was happy with the low and high, other products that are better than thisBeats Studios
. Diddybeats not quite clear, that's my biggest complaint about the sound quality. Compared to better headphone sound muted and lacked clear that I wanted to see the product $ 150.
Overall, I'm set would say Diddybeats headphones are ok, but not that I recommend. $ 150 price point is very competitive, but are also associated with Monster Beat
and Diddy, it is not enough. Some people can be won and style on board, but the administrator can be optimized so that the smaller and simpler (like Apple), and I personally am not in the way, as innocent as it isBeats Headphone
. A combination of minor problems with sound quality prevent unsatisfactory Diddybeats love me.
Monster on the lookout for products, the turbine considered as an offer, which is now long enough to take a look at significant discounts, but it's so hard to find Monster Dr Dre in the $ 75,150 USD range.
Update 25/05/10 I had a conversation with a representative of the Beats by Dr. Dre and learned some of these bracelets Dre Beats Australia
and Monster Cable Association. Since then I've updated the title and opening points.
In general, people Headphones Monster I Beats
, who is an independent company designed. Diddy was a real input into the product, such as the sound profile, and had seemed to say a lot about it. Monster Cable is the production and distribution partners.
It's a little confusing, take care, thanks to Monster Beats logo is for all these things and most people do not, but it is negligible. You may have noticed that computers are equipped with staff, have envious The Headphones
and HP is not monsters, says the company is also working with other partners.
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